is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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