Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
