dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
