He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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