so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just pee around me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
