think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my vag is so smooth its legendary
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
