she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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