a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
