I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
