I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
