she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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