I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
