I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
