I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
