dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
