I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize