I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
