First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
