I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
