I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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