I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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