I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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