she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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