Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
