I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The Olympian is in my bed
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