is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
