It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
