Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
