Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
