So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
