Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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