You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
