I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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