That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
