Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
