Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
