The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
