If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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