WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
