I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
