grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
what day is it and did you see me today?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
