somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
