we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
