Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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