You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
