my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
how can u be prego again
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
