I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
