I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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