there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
