he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
