i can't believe i had my finger in that
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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